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The Guilt

The Guilt

I usually have a deadline to meet every Wednesday afternoon to deliver all the pillow work I picked up the Wednesday before. I’m exhausted, but only because after I deliver, I quit. Usually I don’t look at that machine Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Oh, I think about it and then quickly shove it to the back of my mind. I see lots more important things to think about. There’s reading and writing and reading and writing and… well you know how that story goes. After all, a new week starts on Monday and I’ll have plenty of time to kill myself playing catch-up to get my work done in time to deliver.

  • While working – I should be writing.
  • While reading – I should be writing.
  • While writing – I should be working.
  • While working – I should be cleaning this house.
  • While cleaning house – This can wait. I should be writing.
  • While writing – I should finish putting up that backsplash.
  • While reading – I should be writing that band email.
  • While working – I should be writing.

Finally the work is finished for the week. The reading half done. No backsplash put up. Email almost finished. House is a mess and now it’s time to write.

I know I can’t be the only one who has a week like this! One day I’m going to retire and read and write to my hearts content. No more band emails and the house may be a mess though!

~Elle

 

 

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About Elle Knowles

Elle Knowles lives in the Florida Panhandle with her husband and off-at-college-most-of-the-time son. She has four daughters, one son, and eleven beautiful grandchildren. 'Crossing the Line' is her first novel. The sequel 'What Line' is a work in progress. Recently published is Coffee-Drunk Or Blind - a nonfiction story of homesteading in the Alaska wilderness with her parents and four siblings, told through letters by her mother and remembered accounts from the family.

23 responses »

  1. Elle, I can identify with that dilemma. I am retired and many often wonder I how every had time for my day job.

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  2. Thanks to put in black and white my own thinkings and, probably, the thinkings of many people. For that many company decides to sell agendas. But when I was following my agenda I was thinking I should be doing task number tree instead of two, if I move to number tree I start to think i should finish the number two. Any way, same day I have decided not to buy any more a agenda. But today I am became old I need the agenda to know what to do.

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  3. Really impressed that you enjoy writing and your blog. Best wishes in continuing your writing.

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  4. I’m a terrible procrastinator, (or should that be good?) I somehow manage to put off jobs till the last minute I’ll then get very stressed for not allowing myself enough time, leading to recriminations and the dreaded ‘should of’. I am starting to learn not to do this to myself, and do things now.
    I have started to conquer the distraction of all the things I need to do by making lists and focusing on a particular task for a set amount of time. eg 10 mins for house cleaning.

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  5. hahahaa!! you make me laugh! And I resonate with the “should be-s” of this world doing something and thinking of something else! But hey! at least you get some stuff done. 😀

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  6. I love your “while I am….I should be” – think we all think that way – except for those who have satisfying jobs, but then they are worrying about what they should be doing at work!

    While I have been sitting at my computer doing blogging101, these last few weeks – i should have been cleaning the house, putting up some more listings for new stock, sending out at ‘newz from julz’ email to my customers to drum up trade – but shucks, that’s next weeks shopping list – smile

    http://julzcrafts.com

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  7. Hey, I can empathize.

    When I worked as a Locomotive Engineer, I also owned an acreage. Yet the damned phone would never stop ringing … which was both a blessing and a curse. Yet, when working I was always thinking of the work that waited at home.

    Well, retirement has been here now for a couple of years and I still feel a guilty pleasure in goofing off. What I need to be doing, over what I want to do.

    Being self-employed, is hard. My son is self-employed and I see it for him. He promises to do something for me, then along comes a job and he’s no longer available. Cheers Jamie.

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