If that’s what you want here are four surefire ways to get the task accomplished!
- Believe in them. Believe in them so much that when there is that small glimmer of non-belief you still believe, ignoring your gut instinct. – Kids are sneaky. They know just the right words to say when questioned and all their friends back them up. And then…you are blindsided with some major catastrophe!
- Give them everything they want and serve it up on a platter. – Why not? You want them to have more than you did. You’ve got plenty of money – or you will until you decide to retire and then wonder where it all went. It went to the kids of course.
- Don’t make them pitch in and help around the house. – They deserve to have a childhood not cluttered up with endless chores. There will be time for all that later. They don’t need to know how to do laundry, clean toilets, or change flat tires. They’re going places and will be smarter and richer than you and besides, what else to you have to do with your time?
- Don’t hold them responsible for anything from school work to taking care of their own finances. – Step in and take the reins. They are too busy having fun to worry about school work or a part-time job. Their lives will be much easier at the time if you take control giving them an endless amount of money and free time. Of course your free time will be nil to none as you work two jobs to keep that supply ahead of the demand.
There you have it. Four easy steps and failure will be on the horizon. Of course you have failed too. The kids are grown, but not out of the house. Maybe they have even moved back in with you toting two babies on their hip and a deadbeat husband or wife. They know nothing about taking care of a family or how to save for a rainy day. Respect runs low from their friends to their employer – if they have one. They turn to you with an open hand as always and expect you to fill it.
This post idea came from something I heard on a TV show a few weeks ago. It was about depleting your own accounts to help take care of your children and then retirement comes up and there’s not much left and nowhere to turn. With H retiring in one year we have tightened our belts in hopes of a successful retirement run.
I tried not to do this with my children and now they are all self-sufficient, not needing my handouts. They have succeeded in life, gained respect from their peers, and hopefully do not follow those four rules above.
I’m sure I was weak at times and I still am. Andrew is still in college and it’s so hard to hand him over to the world. He does work part-time to help fund his account and pays for his summer classes. In this I have succeeded. Time to hand that account over to him to see what he does with it. Scary thought!
~Elle
Finding Myself Through Writing 
Wow, right on the money. Hopefully my girls will keep on being contributing adults. Here from Inspire ME Monday
Melinda
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I’ve learned with kids to never say never! All we can do is try our best! Thanks for stopping by! ~Elle
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Pretty honest post. I like it! Thanks for sharing at the Inspire Me Mondays Link-Up. So much depends on the personalities of your children too. My parents had 4 — raised us with all the same morals, values, etc. Some of us turned out quite different from the others!
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It’s all in the personality I believe. Some have it – some don’t! LOL! ~Elle
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If only my parents had read this when I was a child….
…unfortunately, they couldn’t–not being time travelers–and they followed your four rules perfectly. And they worked. Two kids, both of us utter failures.
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Ohhh, I just want to pat you on the back and tell you that you’re NOT a failure. My goodness — if you recognize where you’re lacking, you are already on the road to improvement. Go get ’em!
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Thankfully they are all grown and out on their own but one! ~Elle
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So true! I didn’t have kids so I can be objective on how others raised theirs and how they turned out. This is right on.
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One thing I’ve learned is to never say never! You kids may surprise you and do just what you said they would never do! ~Elle
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At Xmas, I sigh as all those families buy new phones, cameras, computers, tv’s for their kids and spend the rest of the year cutting back to pay for them – but they still do it!
Curmudgeon stories of old – ‘we were happy with an orange in the stocking’!
Not that I agree with that either – but kids get too used to having stuff – and not working for it!
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How true Julz. And we indulge because we want them to feel as though they are on the same level with their peers – which they are because their parents are doing the same thing. It’s a vicious circle. ~Elle
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Scary indeed. Yet, the people this might help the most will likely not ever read it? Or if they do? Then they would not think it applies to them.
Then there are the other sort. That in being so anxious for children to succeed, they forget they’re CHILDREN. It’s a fine line? Cheers Jamie.
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It’s tough love Jamie and all boils down to accountability. I’ve made plenty of mistakes and now I have plenty of hindsight! ~Elle
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Elle, all that is true. Yet much of success in life. However it’s measured, or quantified. I believe, comes from our own internal desire.
As much as I’ve learned to recognize that success does not mean material wealth. It is, obviously, important for anyone.
I would take a child who is loving and giving. Over one driven to be upwardly mobile, anytime.
Again, one needs to nurture children. Then a careful balance of protection and allowing for freedom of expressions. I think we can all recognize, when someone truly loves them. That always helps a bitter pill to go down. Whatever the lesson.
Mistakes? Don’t look at the mistakes, just the successes. Learning from mistakes? True enough. Yet when we’re thrown from the saddle, what counts is the getting up and back in.
For an only child and their parents. The difference is, they may not always be be materially indulged, but they usually are emotionally spoilt. For they have no siblings with which they need to share that. For those children with siblings, they always need to compete for a parents attention. Which, I believe can leave an only child with a slight disadvantage in life.
Obviously we want the best things in life for our children. Whether through indulgence or other means. Giving them a good start is centred …[ notice the Canadian spelling?] Centred in a balance of love, responsibility and demonstration.
Nice post. Apologies for a long-winded comment. It’s how I am. Cheers Jamie.
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Like I said, it’s tough to know what is right or wrong. Kids will always surprise you! ~Elle
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