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Or Mister as my circumstance was. H had eye surgery yesterday. They’ve come a long way with the removal of cataracts since my mother had it done many years ago.

It’s out patient and less than ten minutes of surgery time – six minutes to be exact. You then wear a clear bubble patch over your eye for twenty-four hours, inserting eye drops three times a day for three weeks and voilà! It’s a done deal.

The one thing they don’t provide is a driver. You bring your own and H brought me as his DD.

I don’t usually drive when we travel, leaving it all up to H. It’s better that way, believe me. It’s not that I can’t drive. 1) I don’t really like to drive, but I do. 2) I don’t like to drive with H as a passenger, and I don’t.

But this was inevitable as he was not supposed to get behind the wheel until the next day. At the end of the day I was second guessing myself as to whether I even had a valid license.

I had my GPS ready to get us home because we had to drive to Panama City for the surgery. Of course on the drive over it was a straight shot, but H as always, decided to take back roads as a shortcut as we entered the city limits, explaining the route I should take home in case he wasn’t able to guide me.

“Don’t tell me that. I won’t remember between now and later so it won’t do any good. I’ll use the GPS if I get lost.”

He kept on explaining because that’s what he does. I need more than north, south, east, and west to get me where I’m going. Throw in some lefts and rights anytime now. I decided to just shake my head and pretend I was taking it all in. After all, if he was out of it after the procedure he would never know how he got home.

After it was all over I walked H out to the car on his wobbly legs with the vase of flowers he received for being a model patient. Such nice employees at The Eye Center. He said they had given him a Valium before they started and then a little something intravenously and he couldn’t feel his feet. Valium seems to make men more likable. He was actually almost jolly – if you can picture H jolly!

Since he was coherent, or almost, he directed me to his favorite BBQ establishment. Me? I would have gone straight home and to bed for the rest of the day, taking advantage of the situation. He just wanted to eat since it was noon and he’d had nothing since midnight.

I was worried he’d fall with those shaky legs so I guided him safely across the parking lot, holding his arm, and inside to a seat as you do for old people, telling him I wasn’t quite ready for him to be old yet.

I could tell that Valium was wearing thin on the drive home later as he directed me when I should slow down, switch lanes, and stop. I was driving the speed limit or under and wasn’t relying on the radar detector for surveillance information as he does. I also could see those stop lights and brake lights ahead and prepared to stop as I always did. I don’t know why he thought I wasn’t paying attention. I have a clean driving record. How did I ever get around without him as co-pilot was the question that kept popping into my head. But I held my tongue because I couldn’t very well stop, get out, and hand the wheel over to the expert as he thinks of himself. This is why I don’t drive often with him as a passenger.

We had to stop at five pharmacies once we got back to FWB to get a prescription filled. I got the same story at every pharmacy. “We don’t have that, but we can have it here in the morning for you.” Apparently, it was not a popularly prescribed eye-drop and he needed it now, not later.

By now we were running out of pharmacies. The nice pharmacist at Kmart offered to call around to area pharmacies to see if she could find it. And she did! Right down the street at the Publix pharmacy – the one that was not even on my list.

While H napped in the car I rushed in and handed over the paper prescription. They asked if he had insurance and I dug through my wallet for the card. I had one for Andrew and one for dental and one for eye med. It was probably on my desk after I had used it to fax to the doctor’s office last week. I headed out the door to get H’s card from his wallet.

H shuffled through his too-many cards and handed me the familiar blue one. He has waaay too many cards in that wallet. Back inside the store I handed it over. She handed it right back saying it was Blue Dental. The two do look a lot alike.

After disturbing him again, H flipped through his cards and produced the right one. “Third times the charm,” I told the clerk. “It will be ready in twenty minutes,” she responded.

After nine hours away from home, that six-minute surgery trip was finally over! Next week he gets the right eye done. I wonder where I can get a bottle of Valium so I can slip him one now and then and maybe two or three for myself.

If they could only do laser surgery to improve your hearing! 



About Elle Knowles

Elle Knowles lives in the Florida Panhandle with her husband and off-at-college-most-of-the-time son. She has four daughters, one son, and eleven beautiful grandchildren. 'Crossing the Line' is her first novel. The sequel 'What Line' is a work in progress. Recently published is Coffee-Drunk Or Blind - a nonfiction story of homesteading in the Alaska wilderness with her parents and four siblings, told through letters by her mother and remembered accounts from the family.

25 responses »

  1. I’m always the chauffer in this family, as Mr. Quantum doesn’t drive or even have a license. I have, however, had your experience with my father, when he finally realized he had to give up driving (at 90 something years old). Not an envious situation.

    Hope things are healing well.
    Great post, Elle!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Blind H’s are great! Enjoy the break and just keep nodding 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I refuse to drive Bud unless he is a coma!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are the best wife ever…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Uber? Just kidding. ;>.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve been the driver for over six weeks. I feel your pain. Be sure you keep a valium or two for yourself. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Your hearing remark was not lost on me 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hmm. I feel your pain but got very very lucky with my hubby. He never complains when he’s sick and always takes care of me when I am. On the other hand, he drives like a maniac. Good thing that when I’m in the car I constantly point out what he’s doing wrong. Darn good thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This all sounds familiar. My husband is not a great patient. He hasn’t had cataract surgery yet but he keeps getting procedures on his big toe. He insists on driving. Says he’s fine. Then next week he needs to go back because it’s still bothering him. I should try Valium. But for him? or for me?

    Liked by 1 person


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