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Category Archives: Humor

Why You Should Never Fill Out Online Forms With Your Phone Number And Address

Why You Should Never Fill Out Online Forms With Your Phone Number And Address

Now that H has retired and his health insurance is that old people insurance – aka Medicare – Andrew is no longer covered for dental. So yesterday I was searching online for some dental insurance for Andrew.

I just wanted to see the costs so I could compare. Of course this site wanted info so they could give me quotes, but they did it in such a way that I thought they might give me some insight online once I filled out the form. Knowing that if I submitted name and phone number on their website, I would be bombarded with calls from every insurance dealer in the surrounding area – and then some – I was reluctant to do so.

I proceeded to fill out the form with Andrews name and our home address, but then there was the phone number blank staring me in the face. I was prepared for that. “I’ll fool you my pretties!” I reversed the first two numbers of my cell number and hit submit.

That’s when a sweet note popped up on my screen telling me to be patient and browse through the site. “An agent from your area will contact you shortly.”

“Yeah right, not if I can help it.”

“Acck!” Within two minutes or less my cell phone started ringing. The calls were from Maine or North Dakota or some random state that had no business calling me. (Well I thought they had no business. They thought they had every right.)

Then the area codes changed to Florida. Evidently, they took a look at my address for this tactic. I don’t know anyone in Ft. Myers, FL so I didn’t answer. Then another call came through from Ft. Lauderdale. Nope. Don’t know anyone from there either.

After a few minutes of this, numbers with a Louisiana area code appeared. Yep, they figured since my cell phone was based in Louisiana, I’d answer just any old call.

How did they do that? Guess they were smarter than I thought and they reversed those numbers back!

After about five or six calls with no answer from me, my house phone started ringing…and ringing…and ringing…

When I answered I would get that bloop tone and then someone would say, “Please hold on. Your call will be answered shortly.”

Well I didn’t make that call. They did. And they kept making them. Sometimes I would answer just for the heck of it and there would be a live person. When I would tell them to please not call again – yeah I was polite – they would hang up and another one would call. I did tell one representative they had the wrong number. No one by the name of Andrew lived here. That was a half-truth. He’s in grad school in Tennessee.

This continued all afternoon on my cell phone and house phone. I’m assuming they got the landline number from the home address. Ugh! These people were persistent if nothing else.

I was glad when eight pm rolled around and the ringing in my ears was quietened because those telemarketers were interrupting our binge watching of “The Doctor Blake Mysteries”. (That’s a rant I’ll save for another day!) I heard, somewhere, that telemarketers aren’t supposed to call after eight.

This morning the land line started ringing at seven am. Really? Everyone who doesn’t live in the Florida Panhandle thinks we are on Eastern time like the rest of the state. We aren’t. We are on Central time.

I took the phone off the hook for some peace and quiet. That didn’t stop them from calling my cell phone though. Four hours later I put the phone back on the hook and immediately, it started ringing again.

I have told H repeatedly, to not put our number and address on any online forms. I get tired of the calls. I should take a page out of my own book.

I just realized the phones have been silent for about forty-five minutes. It’s probably the calm before the storm.

~Elle

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Jungle Fever or Why Don’t We Just Bulldoze The Whole Mess Down!

Jungle Fever or Why Don’t We Just Bulldoze The Whole Mess Down!

We have vines growing in the trees in our yard that would make Tarzan do back flips. It’s too bad we didn’t live here when Andrew was younger and in his ‘George Of The Jungle’ phase. Actually, it’s probably better that we didn’t. After seeing the movie Andrew decided it would be a good idea to swing from the top posts of his bunk beds. He would have broken his neck in these trees!

After a few years of procrastinating, H finally plunged in and started on the backbreaking task of clearing the underbrush in our side yard. With the biggest lot in the neighborhood, a forest in our back yard is still not an option in my book.

I told myself I was not going to get out in that mess and help with the clearing. But I did – for one day. Getting poison ivy was my biggest fear. H gets a bad enough case every year that he has to go to the doctor and get a shot. I haven’t had it that bad in at least thirty years. It’s been a week and no signs of poison ivy yet so I dodged the bullet.

I don’t believe H’s dad realized how big pine trees eventually get when he brought home that truck load of small saplings when H was just a boy. They also sprout up voluntarily when given the chance. And believe me, they were given the chance!

There were three of these fenced in circles space out across the back yard. H’s parents had the great idea they would put all their clippings and yard debris in them and have their own mulch pile. A snake pit is more like it! Everything is dead now but in the summer there is all kinds of green things sprouting out of them. Two have been removed and this is the last one. It will be much harder to remove since H can’t get his truck in there to pull down the fencing.

There was a volunteer pecan tree too close to the carport. H’s mom let it grow for years and it was really pretty and provided lots of shade in the summer. Two years ago, when Andrew was home for a few days, I finally convinced H to cut it down before it grew too big for him to do it himself. It took him and Andrew about twenty minutes to cut down and then into smaller pieces, and drag it to the front for pick up the next morning.

A friend offered me a cutting from her wisterias. She said to be careful where I planted it because it could overtake a tree and kill it. I told her I had a lot of trees I’d like to kill! We once checked on the cost of having a few of the bigger pines in the front cut down. They are waaaay too big for us to tackle ourselves. That’s about as far as that project got since it cost about $800 – $1200 per tree. Two are really big. Should we plant wisteria? Ha! The best we can manage is clean up around them and hope they don’t blow over onto the house during a hurricane.

With the canopy of shade pulled down from the underbrush and Tarzan vines, we discovered about twelve blueberry bushes. We knew they were there, but the hopes of them ever producing were slim to none. The sunshine can finally get to them now. Maybe we will have blueberries in June!

There are about eight holly trees planted in a straight line down the center of that wooded area and you can now see how they were spaced out, straight and narrow. These trees were sent to H’s dad from his sister in Ocean Springs, Maryland. In the mail. It’s a wonder they survived. So of course he planted every one. In my opinion, one would have been enough.

We have a few different varieties of palm trees in the front and back yard, but have cut down a ton of them that sprout up voluntarily. This one in the front yard we will probably keep. Here’s a picture of it my sister, Tish, took while visiting a couple years ago. She said, “You know you’re in Florida when you see a squirrel in a palm tree!” These are the ones we usually cut down.

H thinks the forest area can be managed now with just some weed eating during the summer months. Good thing because I can’t see the benefits of spending three thousand dollars or more on a riding lawnmower to mow pine straw! There is a lot more to be done in this yard.

I wonder what the cost of renting a bulldozer would be.

~Elle

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